just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize