she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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