I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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