They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
