How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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