I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
