you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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