I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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