this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
thus making me awesome and them whores
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
