Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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