y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
