We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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