I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
