Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The uberlube is also flammable
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
