note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
