its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
