bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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