Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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