I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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