Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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