Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
