don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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