and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
