U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
