Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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