And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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