If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
