I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
