dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
