I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The beer is more important than you right now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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