yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
