why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
