I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize