So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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