His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
