At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
