Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
