i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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