...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
