I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
