At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
