He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
