you didnt know i had herpes?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
