I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize