I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
