this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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