i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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