Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize