On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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