Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
