Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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