Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize