I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
