There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
