JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Congratulations! We have a period
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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