I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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