Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
