why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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