I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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