All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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