We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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