i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
