she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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