The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
